Month: August 2008

The People’s Liberation Dirty Diaper Brigade

Seems as though Lisa Nowak (aka "That Crazy Diaper-Wearing Astronaut Lady") has a bit of a following over there in the Chinese PLA.  From yesterday's Taipei Times:

It was also revealed later that the 900 soldiers [in the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics] had to wear incontinence pads because they had to wait in the stadium for seven hours without a toilet break before their performance.

My sources tell me the soldiers TRIED to make a stink about this. 

But unfortunately, all their concerns were . . . poo-pooed.

UPDATE:  A television commercial featuring the product they were using.

Just Another Day At The Monastery

"John Hancock" from the Taipei Times informed his readers yesterday that Olympians are keepin' out of mischief now:

It has been a tradition at the Olympic Village to give out free condoms. At the Sydney Games in 2000 they ran out, so four years later in Athens the number of prophylactics was doubled to 130,000.

This time around, two-thirds of the 100,000 free rubbers available in the medical clinic are still waiting to be picked up, according to reports.

Instead of bedroom gymnastics, athletes are collecting pins, the athletes’ Village Life daily newspaper would have us believe.

Hmm.  So either human nature itself has changed within the last four years (and just in time for the Genocide Games!) . . . or maybe the athletes are aware the walls have ears.

And possibly eyes as well.

UPDATE:  Am I being paranoid?  Recall this story from April:

Athletes who display Tibetan flags at Olympic venues — including in their own rooms — could be expelled from this summer’s Games in Beijing under anti-propaganda rules.

Pray tell, how exactly do the Butchers of Beijing monitor what flags people put up in the privacy of their own rooms?

UPDATE (Sep 8/08):  More on Chinese surveillance here.

Georgian Reporter Receives Lateral Bullet Wound

Video at No Pasaran!

How can this be?  As a faithful reader of Taiwan's China Post, I've been schooled to understand that such wounds are impossible — simply impossible!

Unless of course, it's a conspiracy and the "victim" faked this mysterious shooting to gain people's sympathy…

<eye roll>

Taken For A Ride

So I'm in a taxi after seeing The Dark Knight on IMAX*, when a female newscaster on the radio fills the cab with a loud, childish, taunting voice:

"A-bian, uh!  A-bian**, uh!"

Followed by something in Mandarin, followed by more, "A-bian, uh!  A-bian, uh!"

Guess the lady's not too upset by the news that former Taiwanese president Chen Shui-bian (or his wife) was caught skimming money from his own campaign funds and sent it overseas.  As for former Chen supporters, the revelation must come as a bitter blow.  A-gu from That's Impossible sums it up well:

Remember, the problem isn't just the corruption. Chen stole from his own supporters, many of whom made sacrifices to make donations to his campaign.

Speaking of those supporters, for the past two years a lot of them have been defending Chen in arguments with friends, co-workers and family.  Their only reward now is to be subjected to an endless stream of I told ya so's.

Which says nothing of the legislators belonging to Chen's Taiwanese independence party.  The party was DECIMATED in the legislative election of '08.  Those DPP lawmakers stuck by their man through the recall campaign of 2006 and nearly all paid with their seats.

Not a nice feeling to learn you've taken an arrow for a scoundrel.

But what strikes me is the sheer stupidity and arrogance on Chen's part.  Let me illustrate what I mean with a little story:

One evening, way back when, I left a bar and got into my car.  (Relax — I'd had only one beer which I'd nursed over one or two hours.)  Anyways, I drove about one or two blocks, then did a U-turn at the next intersection.

Suddenly, there's a loud screeching of tires behind me, and police car following me.  One a.m., and no one else on the road?  Yeah, they're following me.  My thoughts at the time:

Is it because of my U-turn?  Are U-turns illegal in this jurisdiction?  Did they follow me from the bar?  Do they think I'm impared?  What's the speed limit here?  It's a major roadway, so the speed ought to be a bit higher than a residential neighborhood.  But shoot, I can't see any speed limit signs anywhere!

So I slow down to 50 kph (or 30 mph).  Which might have been suspicious in itself, but I'm erring on the conservative side. 

Ah, there's my exit!  I signal and pull off. 

Holy smokes!  They're still following me!

All right, there's a stop sign up ahead.  No rolling stops now, I think.  No, come to a FULL STOP.  As I recall from driver's ed, a full stop should be held for 2 seconds.  Just to be safe though, I hold it for 5 seconds. 

One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand . . .

Now, the point of all this is that most people generally try to be on their best behavior when the authorities are watching them.***  The police were following me, and I didn't want to give them any excuses to pull me over.

What about President Chen?  Chen was being followed too – not by a single cop car but by a whole slew of prosecutors.  Prosecutors who were crawling ALL OVER THE WOODWORK trying to pin something on him. 

Maybe not the best time to take $20 million dollars in unspent campaign contributions and launder it through three banks into your Swiss account . . .

*  Which is much better the second time 'round, when you're not dozing off from jet lag.

**  Former President Chen Shui-bian's nickname.

***  Acts of civil disobedience would be the obvious exception.

Shih Ming-teh To Rejoin Taiwan’s Independence Party?

From Wednesday's China Post:

The opposition Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) approved the application of Hsu Hsin-liang, a former party chairman, to rejoin the party yesterday.

[…]

Hsu said he plans to ask two former party chiefs, Shih Ming-teh and Lin Yi-hsiung, to rejoin the DPP so that they may work together to reinvigorate the opposition party, demoralized earlier by repeated election defeats in recent years.  [emphasis added]

Wild stuff.  In 2006, ex-DPP man Shih Ming-teh led KMT marches against Chen Shui-bian, accusing Taiwan's DPP president of corruption.  Shih is persona non grata in the party.  But the wheels of fate turn.  Two years later, Chen leaves office at the end of his term, and within months it's discovered he (or his wife) spirited $20 million of leftover campaign funds overseas.  Chen cancels his DPP membership — and Shih Ming-teh will be asked to return to the party.

Doesn't mean he'll accept, or even that the DPP wants him back.  But it's a remarkable reversal of fortunes, to say the least.

Have You Ever Seen An Invisible Man?

Taiwan's President Ma Ying-jeou during his recent trip to America: 

Ma was seen in public just once during his [16 hour] stopover, when he waved to a group of Taiwanese expatriates waiting for him outside the Westin Bonaventure.

Coz every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man . . .  

Invisible man wearing suit, tie, and sunglasses

Ma was advised to just stay cool, and hope nobody would notice him.

(Image from NewEnglandLady.blogspot.com)

UPDATE:  Heh.

i-1

Mighty Swelled Head You’ve Got There, Hon

Today's Taipei Times featured a story about the new sex-segregated beaches of Egypt.  Favorite quote:

“Sometimes I turn around and look behind to make sure there are no men. And,
thank God, there aren’t any,” said Safa, a Cairo resident in her 60s, who enjoys
the privacy of La Femme beach club.

You've got us men pegged, Safa.  We horndogs love nothing more than lying on the beach, knocking back our ice-cold brewskis, and then . . . ogling the lithe, bikini-clad bodies of 60 year-old chicks.

Don’t Mess With Taiwan

"Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it;
those who fail to learn history correctly — why, they are
simply doomed."

– Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda

Taiwanese have NOTHING to be ashamed of if they surrender their sovereignty in tough economic times, said the China Post's Joe Hung a week ago, because even the never-say-die Texans of the Nineteenth Century did THAT:

Texas is an example of the economic woes compelling an independent, sovereign state to give up sovereignty. It declared independence in 1836 during a revolution against Mexico. The Republic of Texas had a very difficult 10-year life. Financing proved critical, and efforts to secure loans from foreign countries were unsuccessful. Protection against the raids from Mexico and occasional attacks by Indians required a mobile armed force, which further drained the meager coffer. As a consequence, the Texans voted for annexation by the United States; and the proposition, rejected twice by Washington was finally accepted in 1845. Texas ceased to be an independent, sovereign state in 1846 when the transfer of authority from the republic to the state of Texas took place.

Hung brings up the subject in the context of his dreams for a commonwealth with China, the bellicose nation that threatens Taiwan.  Though perhaps it escaped his notice that Texas didn't vote for annexation TO the country that threatened it militarily; it voted for annexation to a country that would PROTECT it from same. 

And so I have a counter-proposal for Hung and the editors of the China Post.  If Taiwan's economy really IS that bad (which is to say, worse than in the immediate years following World War II when the KMT managed to drive it into the ground), then perhaps Taiwan should emulate the Texas of two centuries ago by forming a commonwealth (or even a confederation) with a nearby country that will protect it from China's designs.

(Of course, using the Texas analogy, the only logical choice for that role would have to be . . . Japan.)

"The Commonwealth of Asian Democracies."  Has kind of a nice ring, doesn't it?

Building Commonwealths In The Air

Been back in Taiwan for a while now, and I see Joe Hung at the China Post is still flogging that old hobbyhorse of his, the idea of a unified Chinese-Taiwanese commonwealth:

Lien Chan, honorary chairman of the Kuomintang . . . is an advocate of a Chinese confederation,* an idea similar to the Chinese commonwealth which alone may be endorsed by the United States, Japan and other world powers. All of them want the status quo between Taiwan and China. Their national interests will be hurt if Chinese reunification takes place as Beijing now wants. Neither do they want Taiwan to get too closely associated with China. If Taiwan remains a dominion within the Chinese commonwealth, they will be able to best safeguard their respective national interests.

[…]

Peaceful unification or reunification is not impossible, if the example of the British Commonwealth of Nations is followed. Just as Great Britain made Canada a dominion in 1867, the People's Republic of China can give Taiwan dominion status now in preparation for a full-fledged Chinese commonwealth. The People's Republic and the Republic of China in Taiwan may be united in the name of the Chinese nation. They will be equal in status and in no way subordinate to the other, albeit the People's Republic may be the ex-officio head of the commonwealth. A dominion is recognized as a separate state entitled to have separate representation in the United Nations and other world organizations, to appoint its own ambassadors and to conclude its own treaties. At the same time, it is not considered to stand in the same relation to the People's Republic as foreign countries.

How ironic that Hung should make these arguments as the terrible events of 8/8/08 unfold before the world's eyes.  And by 8/8/08 I speak not of the Genocide Games, but of the war between Russia and Georgia.  For you see, the Georgians followed Hung's advice to the letter: fifteen years ago they humbled themselves, humbled themselves before a giant neighbor and joined the Commonwealth of Independent States. 

And where did THAT get them?  Did it get them all those sweet gauzy promises as outlined in the Charter of the Commonwealth of Independent States?

No.  It got them Russian land grabs in South Ossetia and Abkhazia, that's where.**  Apparently the wisdom of Lao Tzu ain't all that it's cracked up to be.***

And so the question I pose is threefold:  Which nation does autocratic China more closely resemble, democratic Britain or autocratic Russia?  And, given that resemblance, can we expect the character of a Chinese Commonwealth to be more like Britain's . . . or Russia's?  And finally, can we all agree that the fate of Georgia within Russia's Commonwealth of "Independent" States is a fate that Taiwan would do well to avoid?

I've tried to debunk Hung's dangerous dreams of a Chinese Commonwealth on previous occasions (here and here).  But I must admit that the War of 8/8/08 discredits them far more persuasively than my own humble efforts ever could.

* About the only thing I know about confederations is how remarkably unstable they tend to be.  Within short order, confederations tend to either dissolve into their component states or centralize into federations instead.  Indeed, the lifetime of most confederacies appears to consist of a span of less than ten years.

Given the inequalities of power within Lien's proposed confederation, the smart money would be on future centralization, however.  Once Taiwan raises the hopes of Chinese unificationists by joining a Chinese Confederacy it would be well nigh impossible for a Taiwanese president to approach Beijing and say, "Hey, we gave it our best, but this just isn't working out.  We'd like to negotiate a peaceful separation." 

And so we see that the KMT's Lien Chan advocates little more than a face-saving Taiwanese surrender, followed by progressive involuntary absorption into the Chinese Empire. 

** Some background explaining Russian provocations prior to 8/8/08 can be found here and here.  Could a similar scenario play out someday in Taiwan?  If a breakaway Kinmen Island attempted to reunify with China, would Beijing be all that reluctant in sending PLA "peacekeepers"?   In issuing the island's inhabitants Chinese passports?  In escalating military attacks on Taiwanese waters or even Taiwan proper from Kinmen, all the while denying those attacks or perhaps insisting that the Kinmenese were the ones responsible?

And lastly, how severe would Chinese attacks have to be before Taiwan was goaded into a military response of its own?

*** Hung quotes Lao Tzu as follows:

"And if a small kingdom humbles itself before a great kingdom, it shall win over that great kingdom," he teaches. "Thus," he concludes, "the one humbles itself in order to attain, the other attains because it is humble. If the great kingdom has no further desire than to bring men together and to nourish them, the small kingdom will have no further desire than to enter the service of the other. But in order that both may have their desire, the great one must learn humility."

Hung's message to Taiwan is that Beijing is generous and humble.  And therefore, Taiwan must capitulate.

UPDATE:  Oh, THIS just keeps getting better.  Russia demands that Georgia be demilitarized.

UPDATE #2:  Take this Commonwealth and shove it — President Saakashvili announces his intentions to take Georgia out of the Commonwealth of Independent States, and suggests other former Soviet Republics follow his lead.  Hey, I'm sure Russia will be cool with that . . .

UPDATE #3:  Why couldn't the Georgians have just let South Ossetia pass into Russian hands, if that was what the local population wanted?  Certainly a question I've asked myself lately.  Kat from Missouri explains how South Ossetia is sort of the Golan Heights of Georgia.

UPDATE #4:  This is a few days old, but still worth the read if you've got the time.  Who's Winning in Georgia and Who's Winning in Georgia #2.

UPDATE #5:  A piece much more critical of Georgia.

UPDATE #6:  And French sympathies are with . . . Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

UPDATE #7:  "China’s Communist rulers, while basking in the glow of their Olympics bash, are surely checking the tea leaves for what this might presage about U.S. support for another U.S. ally: the democratic Republic of China on Taiwan. If the U.S. will not stand up to North Korea, will not stand up to Iran, will not stand up to Russia, then where will the U.S. stand up? What are the real rules of this New World Order?"  Yeah, that's gonna make me sleep better at night.

UPDATE (Aug 14/08):  Where the Kosovo analogy breaks down.