Month: October 2013

More Fabulism From The China Post

From today's China Post:

Almost everybody knows that the signing of the [services] trade agreement [between Taiwan and Communist China] is the right thing to do. [Emphasis added]

That would be true…if "almost everybody" was defined as "34% of everybody". From the Asia Times:

A survey of 1,008 Taiwan adults released in late July by Taiwan Indicators Survey Research found that 48% opposed signing the services trade pact [with Communist China], while 34% were in favor. [Emphasis added]

To the editors of the China Post: 34% << "Almost everybody".

I know math is hard, but you could at least try a little.

Survey Says…May-ling Soong Is Officially A Nobody

So yesterday I promised to conduct an informal survey of a few Westerners regarding their recognition of the following terms:

  1. Madame Chiang Kai-shek
  2. May-ling Soong
  3. China's eternal first lady

My hypothesis was that recognition of Term 1 would exceed that of Term 2, which in turn would greatly exceed that of Term 3.

This is in direct contrast with the editors of the China Post, who inexplicably maintain (not as a hypothesis, but as a cold, hard fact!) that Term 3 garners the greatest recognition.

As it turns out, both I and the China Post are incorrect, as the results indicate:

Term Number Of People Who Recognize The Term
"China's eternal first lady" 0
May-ling Soong 0
Madame Chiang Kai-shek 0


The informal survey was conducted among 5 Westerners – three of whom were twentyish in age, and two who were fiftyish. My favorite response came from a fiftysomething, who upon hearing the name, May-ling Soong, asked with a completely straight face, "Is she Korean?"

Ha! Dennis, I love you, man!

So there you have it. In the West – apart from the geriatric wards and a few amateur history buffs like myself - May-ling Soong is an utter non-entity.

A nobody.

And what's more, this applies not only to her, but to her husband as well. For it was a genuine surprise to me that even the fifty-year-olds didn't recognize the name, "Chiang Kai-shek".

But how's that for cosmic justice? Chiang Kai-shek murdered Taiwanese in 1947, and what's history's reward?

Consignment to the same faceless anonymity as his 28,000 victims.

Two broken statue legs stand in a desert, with the statue head nearby. Caption: 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!'

(Image from A Hot Cup of Pleasure)


Postscript: Of course, a sample size of 5 does not a scientific poll make. But, I wager, that's 5 more than the editors of the China Post ever bothered to ask.

Which is entirely in keeping with the newspaper's slap-dash philosophy: "Why get the facts straight, when you can just make shit up?"

i-1

The China Post And Its Bizarre Delusions

Oh, my goodness! What a strange little paracosm the editors of the China Post dwell in!

Here's the China Post, on how it imagines we foreigners think of Lady Chiang Kai-shek:

On display at the “Forever Madame Chiang” exhibit [at Taiwan's Dead Dictator Memorial Hall] are more than 250 photos and memorabilia of May-ling Soong, better known in the West as China's eternal first lady. [Emphasis added]

Where to begin?

Listen, about the only China-related epithet Westerners are familiar with is "Butcher of Beijing". And that's really about it.

We're not ancient Greeks, given to expressions like "shepherd of the people", "the man of twists and turns", or "rouser of armies".

In fact, the first I'd heard of "China's eternal first lady" was a few months ago, when Beijing's throne-sniffing palace toady, David Kan Ting, mentioned it.

Now in all fairness, there is a book by that name. But since it languishes somewhere around #680,000 on Amazon's best seller's list, we can safely conclude that the phrase is not likely to ever catch on.

As a Westerner, my hypothesis is that in terms of recognition:

Madame Chiang Kai-shek > May-ling Soong >>> "China's eternal first lady"

In the next day or two, I'll poll a few people here in Waiguoren-land, and see how my prediction holds up.

Stay tuned for the results…

Taiwanese Man Fakes Mother’s Death To Get A Few Days Off

From today's Taipei Times:

…an overworked 29-year-old production line worker was recently indicted by prosecutors for drafting a false death certificate for his mother as an excuse to take time off.

The worker, surnamed Chang (張), allegedly submitted the document to request a five-day absence after an extended period of regularly working overtime.

Now, this would all be a source of comic fun (a la George Costanza)…if he wasn't being pursued by the long arm of the law.

Since he is, I make but one observation: Prosecutors' zeal for the law is clearly on display when they go after a single 29-year-old document forger who's been overworked beyond endurance.

Where though, is their enthusiasm for prosecuting companies which egregiously violate Taiwanese labor laws?

President Wiretap Promises Food Safety Clampdown

From today's Taipei Times:

President Ma Ying-jeou [of Taiwan] yesterday pledged to strengthen inspections on food and beverage manufacturers and severely punish those with problematic products amid a scare over adulturated cooking oils.

My advice to Taiwanese food executives?

When using the phone: speak less Mandarin…and more Klingon.


Postscript: Guess I should explain the "President Wiretap" allusion.

Again, from today's Taipei Times:

1 in 9 Taiwanese lawmakers currently have their phones tapped by Ma Ying-jeou's secret police.

The curious thing about all this wiretapping is that the Special Investigation Division (SID) apparently isn't gathering any evidence. The SID claims not to have any recordings!

Saying prosecutors later found that the wiretaps were unable to record any telephone conversations, [Ma Ying-jeou's] minister [of Justice] said they “are not so serious.”

Guess they just haven't figured out how to hit PLAY and RECORD simultaneously.

Rocket science ain't easy, ya know.

Chairman Ma-o Of Taiwan Persecutes Yet Another Religious Minority

First Ma-o Ying-jeou came for the Tibetan Buddhists,

and no one spoke out because they weren't Tibetan Buddhists.

 

Then Ma-o Ying-jeou came for the Falun Gong practioners,

and no one spoke out because they weren't Falun Gong adherents.

 

Then Ma-o Ying-jeou's persecution suddenly stopped,

Because these things have never been known to spiral out of control.

UPDATE (Oct 21/13): The Tourist Bureau of Taiwan graciously returns Falun Gong its rights to free speech again.

How big of them.

Chinese Communist Party Uncovers Insidious American Plot

In the form of a kids movie about giant robots battling cartoonish monsters:

Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim is a box office smash in China, but the Chinese military doesn't like it one bit, calling the movie blatant propaganda used to spread "American values and ideas."

The story's over a month old – don't know how I missed it.

But somehow, I find it strangely comforting that the officer corps of the PLA is composed of a bunch of cowardly bedwetters.

Oh, Look…A Squirrel!

1,600 Chinese missiles targetted on Taiwan, ready to rain terror down on its citizens at any time…yet Taiwan's China Post distracts its readers with a jeremiad against American drones somewhere off in far-flung Yemen, or Pakistan, or wherever.

Beijing sure does get its money's worth with all that illegal advertorial money it bribed the China Post with.

As for drones, I'll say this: drones will never be a suitable substitute for level-headed strategy.

But there are, in this world, members of a bloodthirsty death cult who conspire to torture, rape and mutilate civilian hostages in shopping malls. Before killing them.

When reflecting upon this, I shed remarkably few tears upon hearing these brave and noble Jihadis have been rendered into crispy McNuggets.