The Foreigner loves niche marketing. Want an A&W Root Beer or a ginger beer in Taiwan? Good luck finding them – unless you go to Jason’s Supermarket in the basement of Taipei 101. Dittos for fresh Thai galangal, lemongrass or kaffir lime leaves. Incredibly, I hear they even have beets there. I’ve NEVER seen beets in a supermarket here before. Ever. Might just have to pick some up and make me some borscht.
So I’m pleased to see that the China Post has decided to cater to a long-neglected political niche in Taiwan: the pro-invasion faction.
Foreigner, that’s hyperbole, you say.
Alright, judge for yourself.
President Chen recently announced that the enactment of Beijing’s Anti-Secession Law last year would be henceforth be commemorated each March 14th as "Anti-Aggression Day*". Now, I’m not sure if there’s anything particularly controversial about saying, "I’m in favor of not being invaded." I would think that it would be kind of like saying that you’re in favor of motherhood and apple pie. But leave it to the good ol’ China Post to come out against it:
The administration of President Chen Shui-bian on Wednesday took yet another move to vent its feelings of hatred and opposition to Beijing by designating March 14 as an "Anti-Aggression Day," to be marked annually beginning from this year.
Come on, Chen, in the immortal words of Jon Stewart: "Don’t be an invader hater". On an important anniversary such as this, you should let bygones be bygones. Have you considered sending Hu Jintao an FTD® Thanks a Bunch® Bouquet?
The China Post then wrings its hands over the possible outcome:
If anything, the action may only further provoke a Beijing already angered by Chen’s recent abandonment of Taipei’s long-established unification policy.
Stop it right there, Chen! Saying you DON’T WANT China to invade is probably the surest way of MAKING them invade. Try using a little reverse psychology. Why don’t you offer China Taiwan’s full and unconditional surrender and see how that works, instead?
Chen: (slowly) Reverse psychology, eh? (boldly) Hu Jintao, I hereby offer you Taiwan’s full and unconditional surrender!
Hu Jintao: I accept.
Chen: D’oh!
Speaking of trustworthy communists:
…as stipulated in the same law, Beijing wants to peacefully co-exist with Taiwan and, moreover, is very much willing to improve bilateral relations. That is to say, Taiwan can continue to maintain its democratic system and freedoms so long as its political leaders do not make radical moves to provoke Beijing.
Your freedoms are great, says Beijing. Unless we happen to object to any of them. Then we’ll peacefully co-exist with you with a very large boot up your butt.
Is this for real? Did someone in Taiwan actually write this, or did the Capitulation Post just print this verbatim from a recent CCP Propaganda Ministry fax?
That will have to remain a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, for they close with a prediction:
In the year ahead and beyond, the top politicians of the ruling party are likely to hold many more anti-China activities.
Could be, could be – if you consider the declaration of an "Anti-Aggression Day" to be an "anti-China activity". Here then, is a little prediction of my own: in the year ahead, the China Post and the pro-communist KMT party are likely to engage in more pro-invasion activities while obsequiously serving their masters in Beijing as communist apologists. They will also resolutely obstruct more weapons appropriations bills for Taiwan – because after all, the defense of Taiwan is ultimately nothing more than an "anti-China activity".
And in all of this, I wish them luck. After all, in a truly democratic society, why should the one to two percent of the population who favor an attack by a foreign power** be left without anyone in the public arena to voice their fondest dreams and aspirations?
* "Anti-Aggression Day" is meant to be one of those rip-off holidays which is special enough to have its own name, but isn’t quite special enough that you can actually take the day off.
** A poll conducted some time ago revealed that 5% of the Taiwanese public favors a Chinese invasion. My guess is that the actual number is more like 1-2%, based on the assumption that half of the respondents were either pulling the pollsters’ legs…or stoned utterly out of their minds.