Category: Humor

All We Are Saying, Is Give Anarcho-Capitalism A Chance

All the Middle East's problems solved, overnight. The Onion has the scoop:

Everyone in Middle East given own country in 317 million-state solution

The broad and extensive compromise, which affects more than 3,000,000 square miles formerly occupied by the territories of Israel, the West Bank, Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Oman, Yemen, Egypt, and Jordan, will reportedly draw over 750,000,000 new borders in what experts claim will help drastically curb sectarian violence.

There are, of course, a few trifling kinks to work out:

The resolution, however, has not been without various complications, with the U.N. now struggling to accommodate its 317,000,183 member states, and the global economy still reportedly has yet to incorporate each of the 317,000,000 entirely new forms of currency.

Tom Friedman Throwdown

Dr. Jerome Keating did a pretty good job last month.  But for bust-out funny, Iowahawk's the man to beat:

One-party autocracy certainly has its drawbacks. For example, some argue that one-party autocracies might not always do stuff Thomas Friedman agrees with. But this risk can easily be avoided if the one party is a reasonably enlightened group of people, such as China, and/or Thomas Friedman. Only through this one party system can we impose the politically difficult but critically important policies needed to move a society forward into a thousand-year empire of benevolent, iron fisted enlightenment.

Come to think of it, Iowahawk sounds like Sino-Imperialist Bev Chu over on Lew Rockwell's site.

(Only difference being Iowahawk has tongue planted firmly in cheek, while Bev is dead serious.)

The Daily Gut On Chiu Yi

Heh.

Just to flesh out the story a bit:  Chiu Yi tries his damnedest to get a former president's secret service protection revoked –  a president who was shot at in 2004 and physically assaulted in 2008.

But suddenly Chui Yi gets his rug snatched, and he appears on national TV.  Cries about it like a little girl.  Oh, and he won't step foot out of the house now without police equipped with riot shields and helmets and batons and everything.

The Arquette Sisters are right, though.  "Yakety Sax" DOES make everything better.  Even "The Phantom Menace".

(ESPECIALLY "The Phantom Menace".)

UPDATE:  Fixed the links.

Scene From The Upcoming ‘Son of Indiana Jones’ Movie

As you can see, the heavies are probably members of Hank Scorpio’s diabolical Globex Corporation. 

Either that, or they’re Chinese traffic cops.

(If it’s the latter, then we can safely conclude that SOMEONE decided to live dangerously, and didn’t put enough change in the parking meter.)

Chinese traffic police on Segways aim small submachine guns during a paramilitary anti-terrorist exercise prior to the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.
(080702) — JINAN, July 2, 2008 (Xinhua) — Members of China’s armed police demonstrate a rapid deployment during an anti-terrorist drill held in Jinan, capital of east China’s Shandong Province July 2, 2008, roughly one month ahead of the Beijing Olympics.
(Xinhua/Fan Changguo) (nxl)

Not to spoil the surprise, but I hear that after a breakneck Segway chase, Mutt and his companions escape by falling off three waterfalls and swimming through a green algae bloom.

(Green algae?  Ewwww)

Chinese swimmer removes blue-green algae from the water during an algae bloom in Qingdao, China.

Still no word as to whether they manage to jump a shark or two along the way.


(Images from the Taipei Times and the Daily Mail.)

UPDATE:  Heh.  Don’t think of them as Segways — think of them as “Anti-Terror Assault Vehicles”.  (Hat tip to Jonah Goldberg)


UPDATE #2:  “Who said it wouldn’t be a ‘Green Olympics’?”


UPDATE (Jul 6/08):  Whoops.  It’s supposed to be “Segway”, with no “d”.  Stupid phonetic spelling system!


UPDATE #4:  I did not know that:  The father of the Segway’s inventor is apparently Jack Kamen, one of the illustrators of the old Tales from the Crypt comic book.

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