Spiderman

Picked up the old Spiderman animated series on DVD a couple years ago after seeing Spiderman II.  Remembered loving the series as a kid, and thought I’d check it out again.

Big mistake.  Those paper-thin plots may have been easily comprehensible to children, but they sure don’t hold much interest for adults.  Just to give you an idea, episode in, episode out, the villain of the week cackles that soon – very soon – he’ll "rule the world".

Sorry, Rhino.  Bone-head like you ain’t never gonna rule the world.

Still, there were a couple of bright spots.  That jazzy late ’60s superhero music is cooler than ever. And J. Jonah Jameson – boy, is HE a hoot.  Each week, no matter what Spiderman does, no matter how he saves the city, ol’ Jonah can be counted on to twist the facts in his efforts to portray Spidey as Public Enemy #1.

You just gotta admire the man’s consistency.

I only managed to get through one of the discs, but while watching it occurred to me that kids viewing the show everyday after school were actually being taught an important message from J.J..  Namely:  Don’t believe everything you read in the papers.  The people in charge of the mass media sometimes have their own agenda.  Be skeptical.

Not a bad lesson for young folks, I’d say.

I mention all this because I recently saw Spiderman III a second time on IMAX at Miramar Village.  Good fun, though I don’t think I walked away with anything deeper from it.  It kind of is what it is. 

Well, I did walk away with ONE thing.  The thing that really struck me was the continuing presence of Uncle Ben.  Usually with movies like this, the death of an important character serves as little more than a plot device; it’s there simply to provide motivation for the hero to become the HERO.

Consider Luke Skywalker.  Did he give much thought afterwards to Uncle Owen, Aunt Beru or Biggs Starlighter?  Maybe he did, but he sure looked happy at the end of A New Hope, considering that within the last few days he’d lost (1) his kindly mentor, (2) his foster parents, and (3) his best friend in the entire world.

Dunno about you, but I think I’d be a mess after all that.  Even if I WAS getting a medal for blowing up the Death Star and saving half the galaxy!

The Parkers’ reaction to the death of Uncle Ben is quite different.  Uncle Ben may have died three  movies ago, but we STILL see him in flashbacks.  Aunt May still talks about him.  We get the sense that his tragic death has cut the heart out of this family.  This character was important to them – he was loved.  Uncle Ben’s gone, but not forgotten.

I expect some amount of silliness in a superhero movie, and Spiderman III did serve up its share of that.  In its treatment of death however, I think there’s a certain maturity there that isn’t always to be found in movies of this genre.

Strike A Pose, There’s Nothing To It

Any particular reason why the mainstream media is showing us the photographic self-portraits of a mass murderer, depicting him as some kind of kick-ass comrade of Neo and Trinity aboard the Nebuchadnezzar?

Oh, we all know why you do it
Sometimes you even slow it down
You’re giving
out some bad ideas here
I can’t believe that you don’t realize

You must be evil
You must be evil
Evil…

Chris Rea, "You Must Be Evil"

Hats off to the local English media, which has thus far declined to be the propaganda organs of a publicity-hungry killer.


POSTSCRIPT:  Jim Treacher at the Daily Gut expresses irritation with some of the reaction:

According to MSNBC: "South Korea’s Foreign Ministry expressed its condolences, saying that there was no known motive for the shootings and that South Korea hoped the tragedy would not ‘stir up racial prejudice or confrontation.’ "  You know what? How about just expressing your condolences?  If a white American guy shot a bunch of people in South Korea, would we tell the grieving families that we hoped it wouldn’t stir up racial prejudice?

On a personal note, I’ve been approached by a couple of Taiwanese within the last few days and asked if I know how to distinguish between Taiwanese and Koreans.  I admit I probably can’t, though I make sure to ask the questioners in turn if THEY can tell the difference between Frenchmen and Poles.

I tell them that I can’t, either.  But most people ARE able to distinguish between dead homicidal maniacs and people who, by a sheer accident of birth, happen to share the same nationality.


CORRECTION:  It was Jim Treacher and not David Gutfeld at the Daily Gut who was unhappy about the South Korean government’s initial response to the Cho Seung-Hui shootings.  Apologies for that; the error has been corrected.


UPDATE:  Maybe I should have read today’s papers before writing this post, because two local English papers DID print Cho’s pictures.  The Taiwan News printed the one with Cho raising a claw hammer with two hands – which isn’t that objectionable because it just makes him look demented.  Taiwan’s China Post on the other hand, printed the one where Cho looks like an Asian gangsta-rap version of the Shadow.  Fortunate that they’re not trying to glamorize him, or anything…

Meanwhile, a couple of lawmakers with mental-health issues of their own showed up at Virginia Tech’s sister university in Taipei with the local media in tow, and staged an impromptu terrorism drill by reporting a false hostage-taking incident to police.  Needless to say, much hilarity ensued:

At a classroom where students were studying, [one of the Taiwanese nationalist lawmakers] walked in and held up a fork, saying it was a submachine gun, and pointed it at the students while asking them if they knew how to deal with such a situation.

Several minutes later, the legislative duo [and class-full of students] were confronted by dozens of police officers wearing bullet-proof vests and carrying 9mm pistols and M-16 assault rifles, who had been sent from nearby Daan Precinct.

Teach-errr, can we do the midterm NEXT week, instead?

Closing this little round-up, it looks like the Taiwanese who talked to me aren’t the only ones concerned about being mistaken for Koreans:

…some Taiwanese students in the US had asked Taiwanese compatriot organizations or their families to send them clothes or hats with the word "Taiwan" or "Taipei" or stickers of the national flag in a bid to help distinguish them from South Korean nationals after Monday’s killings.

I don’t mean to belittle other people’s concerns or fears, but I don’t for a minute believe Southerners are going to lynch ANYBODY over this.  Frankly, I think it’s a little little insulting to suggest that they might.

UPDATE (Apr 21/07):  The View from Taiwan has a more in-depth discussion of the phony terrorism drill at National Taiwan University in Taipei.

UPDATE (May 15/07):  South Korean newspapers apparently indulged in some schadenfreude immediately after the killings, printing editorial cartoons slamming American society. After learning that the shooter was Korean, however, they quickly pulled the cartoons.  (Hat tip to AsiaPundit)

300 – Movie Commentary

Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot.

-Dream, in Neil Gaiman’s SANDMAN #19: "A Midsummer Night’s Dream"

[Spoiler Alert:  If you’re looking forward to seeing 300 for the first time, you may not want to read any of what follows.  If however, you’re reluctant to go because the trailers make it look like a bit of a freak show, then this post may change your mind.]

Read a lot of reviews about 300 before seeing it a week ago, many of them rather foolish.  Frank Miller, writer of the graphic novel, is on record as saying that he was trying to mythologize the battle, rather than retell it in a historically-accurate manner.  On that basis, it seems a bit besides the point to complain about historical inaccuracies, gargantuan rhinos and Persians by the way of Mordor.

And yet, when I first saw the movie a week ago, my feelings were mixed.  Sure, there were a lot of great images and battle sequences, but the rational mind still couldn’t help but get in the way.  What ABOUT all of those historical inaccuracies, gargantuan rhinos and Persians straight out of the land of Mordor?

My reaction was quite different upon a second viewing last night.  Because it was then that it sunk in more clearly that the events were being narrated by a one-eyed man in front of a campfire.  The narrator is Dilios, the sole Spartan survivor of the battle.  King Leonidas has chosen him to return to Sparta as a messenger of the battle’s outcome – not because of any ocular injury, but because Dilios is blessed with a gift with words that is almost unique among his people.  (Spartans were so well-known for their curt manner of speech that our word "laconic" is derived from the geographical part of the Peloponnese in which the Spartans lived.)

By the film’s conclusion, the last piece of the puzzle falls into place.  The entire movie is nothing more than Dilios’ speech before the Battle of Plataea.  So what we, the audience, have just witnessed for the last few hours is not a literal account, but Miller’s attempt to imagine how a Greek storyteller, circa 479 B.C., would have told it.  It’s a fish story, a tall tale, a wildly-exaggerated war story.  As Greek myths usually are.

No self-respecting Greek storyteller would ever tell of a hero-king who as a boy once killed a mangy wolf half-starved with hunger and injured from being driven away from its pack by the others.  No, it’s got to be 8 feet long, with fangs of black steel and eyes that glow like hot coals.  That’s the way myths work.

Whether it actually happened or not is completely irrelevant.  What matters is that it’s an allegory that foreshadows the main event that follows.  Storytellers love that kind of stuff.  Even baby Hercules got his start by strangling Hera’s serpents in his crib.

Likewise, the priests responsible for not giving the hero-king the aid he needed can’t be otherwise decent, ordinary clerics.  No, they’ve got to be grotesque, misshapen mutants from the Forbidden Zone, who satisfy their obscene desires with the beautiful, drugged-out maidens entrusted to their care.  Moreover, their opposition couldn’t have been because of an honest, yet benighted, zeal for religious law and custom.  No, they were black-hearted traitors – in the pay of the Great King himself!

I could go on.  The movie’s name should have been 1000, since 700 Thespians (not actors, but inhabitants of the democratic town of Thespia) were present.  But our Spartan storyteller can’t resist the urge to claim the glory – ALL the glory – for his fallen comrades.  In fairness, a Thespian bard might have jealously done the same.  Because to the ancient Greeks, winning eternal glory for one’s name was everything.  Rally round boys, and dream of the fame you may win in the battle to come!  If you’re lucky, you might meet and kill a strange behemoth from a foreign land.  Don’t think it can’t be done.  Why, didn’t I tell you that one of the brave 300 even felled a gargantuan rhino (remember that improbable creature?) with a single throw of his spear?

The enemy’s number is vast.  They’re fearsome, but not immortal.  At their head is the Great King, who commands and ensorcells them with his spell-binding voice, which is almost supernaturally compelling.  He’s more than a man – 10 feet tall – I saw him myself.*  But he may also be…LESS than a man, if you know what I mean.

You may have heard before that he fancies himself a god.  Funny thing though.  He bleeds just like the rest of us.


* Our Spartan storyteller of course exaggerates much, though it’s not clear if he’s even aware of it.

I experienced a similar phenomenon once several years ago, while driving through a rural area at 55 mph late at night.  In the darkness, a huge ghostly grey wolf, or giant dog, suddenly appeared in my headlights.  Its eyes glowed, though my 20th Century mind knew that was merely because the light was reflecting from the back of its retinas.

There was no time to react.  To my horror, it was run down instantly with a sickening thud.  There was nothing I could have done.  Pulling off the road, I weighed the possibilities.  If it was a wolf, I had just killed an animal that was endangered or threatened in the part of the country I was in.  On the other hand, if it was a dog, then I had probably killed some farmer’s poor animal.  (Sorry environmentalists, but the thought that I might have killed some child’s beloved pet is what distressed me the most.)

Fetching a flashlight from the glove compartment, I walked up and down the section of road I had just traveled.  But the carcass of no wolf or great dane could I find.  In its stead was only the bloody, lifeless body of a small red fox.

My imagination, in that split-second in the car, had inflated a puny little fox into a huge, preternatural wolf.  So it doesn’t surprise me that that in the frenzy of combat – with spears stabbing, weapons slashing – that a Spartan fearing for his life might perceive an attacker as a needle-toothed goblin instead of an ordinary, all-too human, man.


POSTSCRIPT:  It was telling that during one of the final scenes, when the Persians have surrounded the brave 300, and are drawing their lethal arrows upon them, that a Taiwanese sitting beside me blurted out, "Zhong guo ren" (The Chinese).

Interesting.


UPDATE (May 30/07):  On the subject of fish stories, I was recently reminded of "The War of the Simpsons," episode, which concludes when a bait shop owner is asked if anyone has ever caught a giant local catfish nicknamed "General Sherman":

Well, one fella came close.  Went by the name of Homer.  Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks.  And his eyes were like steel, cold and hard.  Had a shock of hair – red.  Like the fires of Hell.

Homer_simpson_2
Xerxes_2

(Images from Filmthreat.studiostore.com and Devir.com)


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He’s Not Dead, Ma – He’s Just Sleeping.

So my gray-haired old mother called me the other day, and somewhere between telling me the weekly weather forecast and her menu plans for the next few days, she mentioned this story:

Rat poison found in US pet food

Now, Mom happens to own a (live) pooch of her own, so it’s hard for me to know if she’s exaggerating the scale of the story.  Nevertheless, she tells me that a few wealthy people lost dogs to the dog food in question, and that these are the kind of people who can afford expensive attorneys.

The China angle here is that the rat poison may have come from adulterated wheat gluten from the Middle Kingdom.  And that’s maybe not great PR for the Chinese right now, what with their big trade surpluses and all.


UPDATE (Apr 6/07):  Earlier this week, it was determined that the contaminant was not rat poison, but melamine, a chemical sometimes found in Asian fertilizers.  In addition, there are suspicions that hundreds of dogs may have died, although there are only 15 confirmed cases so far.  American imports of wheat gluten from the Chinese company in question have been suspended.

UPDATE (Apr 21/07):  There may only be 15 CONFIRMED cases, but statisticians now say that 39,000 cats and dogs became sick or died from the poisoned pet food.

But…Is It Art?

Usually I have no patience for the modern artiste who insists he’s creating Great Art.  Don’t know if anybody remembers the Meehan Streak cartoon that the Taipei Times used to run, but it used to have a running gag with two critics in a gallery: one slavishly worshipful, the other blithely contemptuous.

I’m not ashamed to say, that contemptuous guy is me.

Well, I may not know art, but I know what I like:

A US-based Taiwanese artist was questioned briefly by the FBI on Dec. 10 after he projected giant images of [the flag of Taiwan’s main independence party] and a Republic of China (ROC) flag on the side of China’s New York consulate and the UN’s headquarters.

Taiwanese independence flag projected onto the side of the UN building

Momma Bear to Poppa Bear, Momma Bear to Poppa Bear, we have a code 5-18 violation.  Repeat: we have a code 5-18 violation.  Yeah, that’s right.  Illegal display of Taiwanese regalia on UN premises.  I know, when will they ever learn?  What’s that, come again?  The Chinese ambassador is advising we not take any chances?  If we see the perp, shoot to kill?  But we’re not supposed to hit any "valuable transplantable organs"?

The Republic of China flag projected onto the side of the UN building

(UN images from the artist Yang Chin-chih’s website.)

That last shot’s great, with UN security guards hurriedly investigating this latest affront to the International Order.  Kinda like gang members one night realizing the bat-signal’s being shined onto the side of their hideout…

Bat signal projected onto a wall from an old Batman movie serial.

(Image from the Polar Blair’s Den.)

Now, if you or me pulled something like this off, our explanation to the FBI would probably be something to the effect that we were trying to send some kind of message to China.  (Real message being: Up yours!)

But a true genius is a bit more creative than that.  A true genius is a guy who thinks of an explanation so audacious in its absurdity that the rest of us can only shake our heads in admiration:

[the artist’s website claims he] "attempts to express the twisted relationships between nation states — in this particular instance, between Taiwan and those nations that directly or indirectly oppose its independence. It is the artist’s hope that by calling attention to these thorny global issues, an effort will be made to resolve them peacefully." [Emphasis added]

Yeah, I’m sure Yang Chin-chih changed a LOT of hearts in Beijing <eyeroll>.  But bravo, anyways.  And Happy New Year, Communist China.


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Gimme That Old-Time Religion

Declining attendance in houses of worship may be a big problem for Western churches, but not here in Taiwan.  Perhaps one possible explanation for that might be…oh, I dunno, maybe the presence of pole dancers at the proceedings?

As a guy, I just have this to say:  We foreigners could really learn a LOT from these people.

Darth Vader’s Less Illustrious Brother, Chad

Meet Chad Vader – Supermarket Dayshift Manager:

Chad Vader, Episode 1

Chad Vader, Episode 2

Chad Vader, Episode 3

Chad Vader, Episode 4

Other Chad Vader stuff:

Chad Vader Music Video

Chad Vader Mailbag

Non-Chad Parodies:

The Emperor Takes an Important Phone Call

Star Wars (Phantom of the Opera Version)