Politicos With Low Irony Quotients

This week's hands-down prizewinner is KMT caucus whip Chao Li-yun (趙麗雲):

“Just because [Ko-suen “Bill” Moo — a Taiwanese convicted of spying in America for the Chinese Communist Party] finished his sentence in the US and came back to Taiwan does not mean he has to be watched,” she said. “Are we a police state, an authoritarian state, or a colony of the US?”

You tell 'em, spinach. Explain to us why the KMT is entirely justified in pursuing its current catch-and-release policy. The KMT wants eventual reunification, and so do Chinese spies…more or less. So y'all just go on and let them Chinese Communist spies fly and be free and go about their business. Unwatched.

Oh, and you're absolutely correct — only a police state, an authoritarian state, or a colony of the US would heartlessly seek to deprive Mr. Moo of his inalienable right to life, liberty . . . and the pursuit of classified military technology.

(That can be used to conquer Taiwan.)

But it gets better. Because while raising the rhetorical question of whether Taiwan is a police state, Ms. Chao of the Chinese Nationalist Party kind of answers her own question. Only just not in quite the way she probably intended…

Chao [also] said the KMT caucus would demand that the Council of Labor Affairs and the National Immigration Agency (NIA) look into [J. Michael Cole's] residence certificate and work permit and declare [the foreign newspaper editor] persona non grata [for writing an opinion column critical of the KMT in the Wall Street Journal].

Remember: Taiwan is not — the KMT repeats emphatically: NOT! — a police state.

It's simply a place where it is now a deportable offense to express any opinion which has not been explicitly approved in advance by the Chinese Nationalist Party's Central Propaganda Ministry.

Kapiche?

[. . .] "Hangman, who is he,
for whom you raised the gallows-tree?"

Then a twinkle grew in his buckshot eye
and he gave a riddle instead of reply.
"He who serves me best," said he
"Shall earn the rope on the gallows-tree."

And he stepped down and laid his hand
on a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
at the hangman's hand, was our relief . . .

UPDATE: Irony flies thick and heavy when the KMT crudely tries to whip up anti-American sentiment ("Are we a colony of the US?"), while simultaneously accusing OTHERS of damaging the relationship between America and Taiwan.

UPDATE #2: Another irony alert. The Chinese Nationalist Party manages to keep a VERY close eye on Taiwanese farmers wishing to demonstrate in front of the Presidential Building.

But ask 'em to monitor KNOWN Chinese Communist spies, and what's their response? "No way, Jose. What do think we are, fascists?"

Loyal Son Of The Yellow Emperor Sells Out Taiwan

Taiwan Today has the story:

The ROC Military Supreme Court sentenced former Maj. Gen. Lo Hsien-che to life imprisonment July 25 for selling secrets to mainland China and jeopardizing national security.

Taiwan's Major General Lo Hsien-che

(Major General Lo Hsien-che image from Taiwan Today.)

SinoDaily describes the information Taiwan's Turncoat General is said to have passed along to China:

. . . documents Lo handed over to China included details of the Po Sheng (Broad Victory) command, control and communications system that Taiwan is buying from US defence contractor Lockheed Martin for US$1.6 billion.

They said Beijing is believed to be extremely interested in learning more about the project, which gives the Taiwanese military some access to US intelligence systems.

Other information leaked by Lo reportedly covered the army's procurement of 30 Boeing-made Apache AH-64D Longbow attack helicopters and the army's underground optical fibre network.

As for motive, there are some reports that Maj. Gen. Lo was seduced by a Chinese female agent. Lo, on the other hand, claims he turned traitor only after Chinese Intelligence threatened to expose damaging photos of himself in the company of Thai prostitutes, taken while he was stationed in Bangkok. (As utterly improbable as THAT scenario may sound…)

Others may speculate that he was merely doing some "eventual reunification" freelance work. As some Chinese Nationalists have occasionally been known to do.

Former KMT chairman Lien Chan in a protective blue animal care suit, beaming with a baby panda in his lap.

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Are You Enjoying Your Kep-mok Blood Ticks, Dr. Lazarus?

"Just like mother used to make."

An image of large ticks in a bowl of water next to a picture of Doctor Lazarus looking at one in his spoon with disgust. From Galaxy Quest.

Perhaps he'd find them more savory with some soy sauce and a few green onions on the side:

Taiwanese food critics and gastronomists called a report on century eggs by an American on CNN’s iReport “unfair,” saying it undervalued the nature of the dish.

“Awful . . .  It tastes like something that used to be an egg, but made some really horrible choices,” the iReporter said of century eggs.

[…]

Century eggs, also known as pi dan (皮蛋), are made by wrapping the eggs of ducks and chickens in a mixture of clay, ash, salt and various traditional medicines for a period ranging from several weeks to several months.

By all accounts, there were even charges of racism leveled at the food reviewer, for his "bigotry" in not finding the Taiwanese delicacy to his liking!

While one fully expects Chinese nationalists to descend to such levels of Sino-centric parochial lunacy, it is somewhat disappointing to see Taiwanese reacting along the same lines.  And rather counter-productive, given Taiwan's (probably unrealistic) ambitions of one day becoming a foreign tourist mecca.

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Taiwan’s Worst Place To Hold A Convention

Taipei's Grand Hotel wins that dubious honor, and then takes the cake:

Clashes broke out between Tibet support groups and Grand Hotel staff in the lobby yesterday after the management canceled a room reservation made by the groups in preparation for the arrival of a delegation headed by Sichuan Province Governor Jiang Jufeng (蔣巨峰).

“We have signed a [room rental] contract with you and it was clearly written on the contract that the room would be used to hold a press conference. How can you cancel our reservation at the last minute? Is this how the Grand Hotel honors its business contracts?” Taiwan Friends of Tibet (TFOT) president Chow Mei-li (周美里) asked Grand Hotel manager Michael Chen (陳行中) after being informed of the cancelation. [emphasis added]

Granted, it's understandable that the hotel management would want to avoid unpleasantness under their roof. The type of unpleasantness that might ensue after renting rooms to antagonistic parties. However, a contract is a contract, and having signed it the hotel was obligated to manage the situation as best it could.

But instead, hotel management decided to compound their error by plunging themselves into a public relations fiasco:

More serious verbal and physical conflict broke out when Tibetans accompanying Chow grew impatient and took out banners and Tibetan flags that were to be used to decorate the news conference venue. They shouted slogans calling on Jiang to release the more than 300 monks arrested from Kirti Monastery in the predominantly Tibetan area of Ngaba in Sichuan Province and to withdraw troops and police that had placed the monastery under siege.

The manager and other members of the hotel management tried to take the signs and banners from the Tibetans by force.

The two sides pushed and shoved, while hotel management and staffers chased Tibetans running around the lobby with Tibetan flags in hand. [emphasis added]

What a lovely picture that makes — tourism workers in democratic Taiwan reduced to acting as paid goons of the Chinese Communist Party.

"Room service? This is the C.C.P. delegation. Someone here spotted a cockroach and a Tibetan on the premises. Would you kindly send somebody up to remove them?"

Security at Taiwan's Grand Hotel seize Tibetan guest on behalf of Chinese Communist Party guests. Hotel security attempts to pull the Tibetan's flag from his hands.

(Operating under the theory that "no publicity is bad publicity", thugs in the employ of Taipei's Grand Hotel set upon an unarmed Tibetan dissident in full view of press photographers. Image from the Taipei Times.)

But the hotel's antics were was all for nothing, because when police arrived, they took one look at the rental contract and admitted the Tibetans had a point. After which management conceded, grudgingly allowing the press conference to go forward . . . in a different room in the hotel.

Heaven forbid anyone should ever label Michael Chen, manager of Taipei's Grand Hotel, a collaborator.

But one really does have to wonder at the new paint job he's given the place…

Taiwan's red and green Grand Hotel against a blue sky, with the stars of Communist China's flag overlaid on the exterior.

UPDATE (May 24/11): Taiwan's premier communist-funded newspaper, The China Post, spikes the story.

Imagine that.

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Is Shih Ming-teh Taiwan’s Tyrone F. Horneigh?

You bet your bippy. DPP presidential candidate Tsai Ing-wen must be wondering where Ruth Buzzi is when you need her.

[Update: Make that Ruth Buzzi…OR Don Rickles.]

Aside from sharing Horneigh’s dirty mind, Shih even looks like ‘im. Give or take a couple years.

Arte Johnson as Tyrone F. Horneigh from Laugh-In. Horneigh wears spectacles, a black suit, and matching hat.

(Arte Johnson as Tyrone F. Horneigh. Image from WebPan.com)

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Shih Ming-teh’s Favorite Pick-Up Line

"Hey baby, why don't you come over to MY place and prove you're not a lesbian!"

Oh, you silver-tongued smoothie. From last Friday's Taipei Times:

At a separate setting later in the day, [former DPP chairman] Shih [Ming-teh] called on [Taiwanese DPP presidential candidate] Tsai [Ing-wen], who is single, to clarify her sexual orientation, saying voters deserved “a clear answer” before voting for her.

She's 54 and single. And you ALL know what THAT means (wink, wink).

Pretty sad what history books will say about Shih, though: "Shih Ming-teh — went from being Taiwan's Mandela to a creepy, toothless old perv so gradually that most people didn't even notice."

Hell of an epitaph.

Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy. He is very old, uses a walker, and wears a powder-blue bathrobe.

UPDATE: Perhap's the transition wasn't as gradual as we thought. His second favorite line to wow the ladies — "Mmm…you like popsicles?"

Former Taiwan human-rights campaigner Shih Ming-teh, lying naked on his stomach with his two daughters lying naked on top of him.

(Image from WantChinaTimes.com)

Here's a sweet photo from back in the day of the wholesome Mr. Shih with his daughters. (SECOND image on the list after plugging his name into Google Image search.)

The kicker is, Shih HIMSELF released this photo during a press conference on the occassion of his 70th birthday party, a few months ago.

Charming detail: some of his buds in attendance dubbed this portrait, "Three layers of meat."

Isn't that special?

Could be, it's the illustrious Shih Ming-teh who has some clarifyin' to do . . .

UPDATE #2: Says something when Shih's gay-baiting is a wee bit too dirty for even Taiwan's China Post (hereafter referred to as the Chinese Communist Party's mouthpiece newspaper, for reasons obvious in the second link of this update).

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Action, Meet Opposite And Equal Reaction

Google must have figured out I was perusing sites about rare earths after China recently cut off its supply, both to Japan and to the West. So today, AdSense intuited that I might wish to see a banner ad for this site (a Mongolian rare earth mining venture).

Give them credit: that "Checkmate China!" slogan certainly DOES attract one's attention…

The company's transport lines do that, as well. Can anyone spot which neighboring country they AVOID sending cargo through? Why, it's almost as though they anticipate China might engage in politically-motivated export interruptions, or something . . .

Bright lads. Noticing that China's notorious unreliability as a supplier represents a unique marketing opportunity — for the competition.

A Mongolian rare earth mine ships its product to Russian railways (carefully avoiding sending product through Communist China).

(Image from RareEarthExporters.com)

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Taiwan’s China Post On Zhongnanhai’s Payroll

Till today, I never knew the fellow-travellers there were actually on the take — receiving advertorial money on a regular basis from the Butchers of Beijing.

From their grotesque opposition to defensive weaponry for Taiwan, to their sly anti-Dalai Lama rhetoric, to their enthusiastic support of the Politburo's demeaning "Chinese Taipei" appellation for the R.O.C., down to their unseemly cheerleading for the modern Chinese economic model (& on occassion, its political leadership as well) — all these stances for several years now have made the paper's sell-out apparent to all.

But I'd always chalked-up the KMT mouthpiece's new-found pro-Communist leanings to the sentiments of Chinese ultranationalists who had made their peace with 'Communism' (if not 'communism'). How wrong I was.

As the paper was once fond of saying, cui bono?

That's Latin for, "Who benefits?" Or in the modern vernacular, "Follow the money".