‘Coz Every Girl’s Crazy ‘Bout A Sharp-Dressed Man

From the fashion houses of Beijing, the hottest designers bring you the very latest styles.  And no self-respecting Chinese stormtrooper would be caught dead without these chic ensembles.

Head straight, eyes forward, maggots!

People's Liberation Army soldier standing at attention, head not drooping down because of needles in his collar.

Close-up of People's Liberation Army soldier with needles in his collar.

PLA soldiers in formation, each with needles in their collars.

Chairman Hu TOLD you not to slouch…

People's Liberation Soldiers kept ramrod straight by crosses held behind their backs.

People's Liberation Soldiers kept ramrod straight by crosses held behind their backs.

"They immediately put irons on his legs and took him to a regiment.  He was taught how to make right and left turns, raise and lower the ramrod, take aim, fire, and march double time, and he was beaten thirty times with a stick.  The next day he performed his drills a little less badly and was given only twenty strokes; the following day he was given only ten, and his fellow soldiers regarded him as a prodigy."

-Voltaire, Candide


i-5

Chinese Communists Would Conquer Taiwan In Three Days

According to the most recent computer wargame simulations conducted by the island nation's Ministry of National Defense.

The ruling Chinese Nationalist Party of Taiwan was said to be horrified by the revelation, and vowed to rectify the country's precarious situation by blocking all weapons procurement bills at least 60 times over the course of the next two years.